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Some people don’t seem to like my new movie. Some critics are even spreading lies about me, saying that I’m some kind of special effect. Let me assure my many fans that I am a reality and to my critics I say this… Watch where you swim!
For instance, DVD VERDICT said…
“Kudos to the minds behind Sharktopus; they know they’re making a ridiculous movie and they let everyone in on the joke.”.
The ‘minds’ behind Sharktopus have already been devoured, after assuring me they were making an even handed documentary about my life, my loves and my wry, sideways look at life. Instead they’ve painted me as a one-dimensional killer. Ok, everyone knows I love to tear a Bikini clad babe in half with my barbed tentacles but where’s the balance? Did anyone ask me about my poetry? Or my love of the arts? No, they went for the lowest common denominator as usual. I can’t understand why anyone would want to see me, endlessly tearing people limb fron limb in a bloody orgy of violent destruction when they could hear me recite my latest cycle of verse about kelp.
“The beast looks like it came from a video game, no detail etc and they put great big close ups of the damned thing in the movie.” say BATTLE ROYALE WITH CHEESE. That’s not a lack of detail, just good skin care. I use a coral scrub every day to keep myself looking fresh. You guys are now on my menu.
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BEST FOR FILM posed a question: “Incidentally, you can’t possibly think its bulk could be supported by its tentacles on dry land, could you?”. Not that it’s any of your business but I work out. One of my many varied interests, along with coral collecting, philosophy and fine dining, not that you’d get any of that from the film, which seems to spend most of it’s running time focusing on smokin’ hot babes in microscopic swimwear and my feasting on the innocent. Best For Film, watch the seas!
Basically, in this post, I’m here to answer my critics. Yes, I will probably eat you but I am so much more than that. While I’ve been in the UK, I’ve experienced all the amazing culture and enjoyed diners in some of London’s finest resturants. I’ve had the opportunity to meet, greet and eat many fascinating people, each of whose knowledge I have now gained. So enjoy the movie, with all that gratuitous splatter, outrageous acting and foxy semi-nudity, but please remember, Sharktopi have feelings too.
