SHARKTOPUS: OUT NOW

SHARKTOPUS IS OUT NOW ON UK DVD

ORDER NOW @AMAZON

Hello Sharktopus acolytes,

Those of you whom I’ve met on my UK adventure and who have lived to tell the tale will be delighted to hear that the biopic of my life so far, SHARKTOPUS, is out this week on DVD. Regular fans will of course be aware that I have reservations about my portrayal as a deadeyed killer of hot booty ladies (see last weeks BLOG about my love of the arts) but regardless of my feelings, it’s still a vital piece of modern cinema that will, I’m sure, take it’s place in the canon of classic movies in due course.

As for myself, I’m currently enjoying some much needed time out after the hectic round of publicity, where I had the opportunity to discuss my work with some of the UK’s most esteemed film critics, many of whom proved delightfully light and melt in the mouth. My only regret is not having to chance to chew the fat with and then of Barry Norman, a man whose opinions I’ve always greatly respected and who I always thought would be particularly tasty served on a bed of rocket.

So, enjoy my new movie, take it home, watch it a few times to really absorb the underlying metaphors and meanings. I’m not just ripping flesh from bone, I’m making a statement about who I am.

SHARKTOPUS PRESS RELEASE

KNEEL BEFORE SHARKTOPUS

WHERE’S SHARKTOPUS

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Some people don’t seem to like my new movie. Some critics are even spreading lies about me, saying that I’m some kind of special effect. Let me assure my many fans that I am a reality and to my critics I say this… Watch where you swim!

For instance, DVD VERDICT said…

“Kudos to the minds behind Sharktopus; they know they’re making a ridiculous movie and they let everyone in on the joke.”.

The ‘minds’ behind Sharktopus have already been devoured, after assuring me they were making an even handed documentary about my life, my loves and my wry, sideways look at life. Instead they’ve painted me as a one-dimensional killer. Ok, everyone knows I love to tear a Bikini clad babe in half with my barbed tentacles but where’s the balance? Did anyone ask me about my poetry? Or my love of the arts? No, they went for the lowest common denominator as usual. I can’t understand why anyone would want to see me, endlessly tearing people limb fron limb in a bloody orgy of violent destruction when they could hear me recite my latest cycle of verse about kelp.

“The beast looks like it came from a video game, no detail etc and they put great big close ups of the damned thing in the movie.” say BATTLE ROYALE WITH CHEESE. That’s not a lack of detail, just good skin care. I use a coral scrub every day to keep myself looking fresh. You guys are now on my menu.

CLICK HERE FOR MORE SHARKTOPUS

BEST FOR FILM posed a question: “Incidentally, you can’t possibly think its bulk could be supported by its tentacles on dry land, could you?”. Not that it’s any of your business but I work out. One of my many varied interests, along with coral collecting, philosophy and fine dining, not that you’d get any of that from the film, which seems to spend most of it’s running time focusing on smokin’ hot babes in microscopic swimwear and my feasting on the innocent. Best For Film, watch the seas!

Basically, in this post, I’m here to answer my critics. Yes, I will probably eat you but I am so much more than that. While I’ve been in the UK, I’ve experienced all the amazing culture and enjoyed diners in some of London’s finest resturants. I’ve had the opportunity to meet, greet and eat many fascinating people, each of whose knowledge I have now gained. So enjoy the movie, with all that gratuitous splatter, outrageous acting and foxy semi-nudity, but please remember, Sharktopi have feelings too.

FOLLOW MY ADVENTURES ON SHARKBOOK

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