Sorry to cheat but so many great quotes in one of the best comedies of all time
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Eddie: You know, I think I might come back as a bra.
Richie: What?
Eddie: Well, all us Buddhists believe in reincarnation.
Richie: When did you become a Buddhist?
Eddie: About 5 seconds ago. And may I say it has completely changed my life!
Richie: But you can't come back as a bra! That's just stupid! You have to come back as something organic.
Eddie: All right, all right, I'm only a beginner you know! Errr... all right then, I'll come back as... ah! Claudia Schiffer! She's seriously organic!
Eddie: I don't think they were lesbians, Richie, 'cause they got off with those other blokes. Those, er, handsomer, wittier, erm... well basically those two guys who didn't have a load of toilet paper stuffed down their trousers.
Richie: Yeah, well you hardly helped, did you? Stuffing a Vimto bottle down the front of your pants and shouting "Woohoo, looking for the Eiffel Tower girls?"
Eddie: This is a sex shop isn't it?
Shop Assistant: Yes.
Eddie: [slaps money down] I'll have five quid's worth then!
Shop Assistant: Very droll sir, I've never heard that one before.
Eddie: Haven't you? Shall I tell it again?
Shop Assistant: No thank you sir, I'd rather have a pineapple inserted violently into my rectum.
Eddie: You've been working here too long mate.
Eddie: [reads letter] What's this? Annual membership to "Barbarella's Aerobic Fitness Centre"?
Richie: Nothing to do with me.
Eddie: It's got "Richard Richard" written on it.
Richie: Ah. Er...
Eddie: [reads] "Leotard"?
Richie: Well, er, Eddie, none of us are getting any younger. I just pop along every Wednesday afternoon and firm up.
Eddie: What, you stand at the back of a room full of girls jiggling their bottoms up and down and "firm up"?
Richie: It's not very sexy, is it?
Eddie: No. I must say, I expected a lot more from "The Furry Honeypot Adventure".
Richie: I think this is for kids you know Eddie. I think those Hussein brothers saw you coming again. Well, what else did you get?
Eddie: "Big Jugs"
[laughs]
Richie: "Big Jugs"! All right!
[reads box]
Richie: "A history of pottery in the nineteenth century." Anything else?
Eddie: Well this one's a sure-fire hit. Look. "Swedish Lesbians in Blackcurrant Jam".
Richie: Yabba-dabba-doo!
[reads]
Richie: No Eddie, it's "Swedish Legends in Blackcurrant Jam Making."
Eddie: Aw, come on, it's got to be dirty, it says "Swedish"!
Richie: Let's just be economical with the truth, errrm, something, buck, yeah hot young buck.
Eddie: What about badger?
Richie: No, no I'm more a sort of...
Eddie: HEDGHOG!
Richie: No fox! That's good, no that is good.
Eddie: Stoat!
Richie: Foxy Stoat? Yeah! It's gotta a ring to it... foxy stoat seeks...
Eddie: Pig!
Richie: Foxy Stoat Seeks Pig! Oh Shut up Eddie!
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