Mitch: Sorry, your seatbelt seems to be broken. What do you recommend I do?
Cab Driver: I recommend you stop being such a faggot. You're in the backseat.
Mitch Martin: True love is hard to find, sometimes you think you have true love and then you catch the early flight home from San Diego and a couple of nude people jump out of your bathroom blindfolded like a goddamn magic show ready to double team your girlfriend...
Woman: [holding a grocery bag] What's going on?
Frank: You tell anyone about this and I'll ****ing kill you. I'm kidding, I'm kidding, we'll have him home by tonight. Okay, sweetie.
Beanie: Alright, let me be the first to say congratulations to then. You get one vagina for the rest of your life. Real smart Frank. Way to work it through.
Therapist: Frank, this is a safe place. A place where we can feel free sharing our feelings. Think of my office as a nest in a tree of trust and understanding. We can say anything here.
Frank: Anything? Well, uh I guess I, deep down, am feeling a little confused. I mean, suddenly, you get married, and you're supposed to be this entirely different guy. I don't feel different. I mean, take yesterday for example. We were out at the Olive Garden for dinner, which was lovely. And uh, I happen to look over at a certain point during the meal and see a waitress taking an order, and I found myself wondering what color her underpants might be. Her panties. Uh, odds are they are probably basic white, cotton, underpants. But I sort of think well maybe they're silk panties, maybe it's a thong. Maybe it's something really cool that I don't even know about. You know, and uh, and I started feeling... what? what I thought we were in the trust tree in the nest, were we not?
Mitch: I've had a hell of a day and even worse week. And all I want to do is get some ****ing sleep.
Beanie: Whoa. Whoa. Why the F-ing? Why in front of the kid? All ya gotta do is say "earmuffs" to him, and you can say "****, shit, bitch."
Frank: Cock. Balls.
Beanie: I'm just trying to make a point, Frank. You don't have to celebrate it.
[two girls are topless in the pool of KY jelly]
Frank: Are you sure you're ok with this, Blue?
Blue: Just ring the ****ing bell, you pansy.
Peppers: She's a beauty, ain't she?
Frank: Yeah, what kind of gun is this?
Peppers: It's a tranquilizer gun. If any of these little ****ers decide to freak out on the kids, I get to take them down. Ain't that right?
Peppers: [yank's on the mule's reigns]
Peppers: Oh, what? That's what I thought. Shut up.
[Frank cocks the gun]
Peppers: Hey, hey. Careful with that. That's the most powerful tranq gun on the market. Got her in Mexico.
Frank: Cool.
Peppers: Yeah, it is cool. They say it can puncture the skin of a rhino from...
Frank: [Frank shoots himself in the neck with the dart]
Peppers: YES! That's awesome!
Frank: What?
Peppers: You just took one in the jugular, man.
Frank: What? I did.
[feeling his neck]
Peppers: YES!
Frank: Oh my god. Is this bad? Is this bad?
Peppers: You better pull that shit out man. That shit is not cool.
Frank: Wait. What? Pull what out?
Peppers: You got a ****ing dart in your neck man.
Frank: [laughing] You're... you're crazy man. I like you, but you're crazy.
Marissa: Listen, I'm sorry I didn't call you on your birthday.
Frank: My birthday? What do you mean?
Marissa: Yeah, last Thursday. Oh, you forgot your birthday, didn't you, Frank?
Frank: Damn it. I'm such an idiot.
download.jpg images.jpg