[Daemonia]

Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack... even a heart isnt foolish enough to attack Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris was once charged with three attempted murders in Boulder County, but the Judge quickly dropped the charges because Chuck Norris does not "attempt" murder.

When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.

Chuck Norris's Blood Type is AK-47.

Chuck Norris's computer has no "backspace" button, Chuck Norris doesn't make mistakes.

Chuck Norris plays russian roulette with a fully loaded revolver... and wins.

Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".

A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.

Scholars believe that the only thing capable of making Chuck Norris cry is a picture of himself crying. Such a picture does not exist.

Chuck Norris can make a slinky go upstairs.

Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim through dry land.

The only time Chuck Norris was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.

On a high school math test, Chuck Norris put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Chuck Norris solves all his problems with violence.

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

Chuck Norris can speak French... In Russian.

Chuck Norris doesn't use pickup lines, he simply says, "Now."