THE TOOLBOX MURDERS 2: COFFIN BABY – A sequel, of sorts, to the 'Toolbox Box Murders' remake. I saw that remake, and I thought it was shite. Tobe, I threw my DVD in the bin, and I don't often do that. 'Coffin Baby' is very different however. It's basically a minimalist gore fest and, as far as story goes, is really just about a captive woman who is forced to behold various mutilations and acts of splatter visited upon the victims of a masked killer at work in his lair. Oh, and Bruce Dern is around for some reason – can't be sure, but he appears to be a slightly rude ghost. 'Coffin Baby' really sets itself up to be trashed by whoever officially reviews movies these days because it's just so shameless and unembarrassed about what it is, namely, eighty minutes of voyeuristic brutality and bloodshed interspersed with bits of relative tedium and attempts at arty lighting. Torture porn be damned, I really liked it. You'd think that countless movies like this were being made in the name of latter day exploitation, but when one comes along it actually feels a bit special. OK, you'll have seen far 'better' gore in other places – the splatter here is frequent, but not overly intense or transgressive, and it's not sleazy particularly. Some bits made me chuckle, like the bit where captive lady is given a tub of popcorn to accompany her murder vigil – sorry, 'self reflexive' isn't your style, dudes. In another scene, murderer guy is harassed by captive lady over a remote control and gets so pissed off with her that he cuts her hand off! Lolz. And the best line goes to the cop who yanks a tattered sausage from between the jaws of a corpse - “Imagine being in such pain that you bite your own dick off.” Anyway, I could go on. See it if you're interested, or if you want to check out discredited former horror journo Lianne Spiderbaby in a small role.
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