GOBLIN – For some the difference between shot-on-video movies and actual movies – real movies – is as stark and as primal as the difference between their own shit and someone else's. I'm into SOV, but even after all these years they still feel strange and awkward to me. Todd Sheets' 'Goblin' is a case in point, surely a film which would appear strange and awkward to virtually anyone. It's about a bunch of people in a house being murdered by a goblin. That's it. Oh, there are some zombies at the end. Structurally, it pretty much hits a 'people talk, people run around looking afraid, people die' rhythm early on, and simply repeats, repeats. Actually, this steady beat is broken up midway by a ten minute sequence of a guy looking round a house with a flashlight mumbling “umm, seriously guys... call the cops... call the cops...”. In a thousand years time, this scene may be known as the most important few minutes of cinematic history. I don't know why, but then I have no idea why films like 'Goblin' have such a hold on me. I suppose it's the ultra tawdriness, the harsh cheapness of early video, from the look of it all right down to the fumbling, half improvised half wooden acting, those textures that make you feel as if you're watching something from another planet. I do bang on about this stuff, but it's the wellspring of accidental surrealism. 'Goblin' is excessive on other levels too – there's the gore, real butchers shop stuff, basically offal in close up for what seems like an eternity. There's loads of it, loads. HG Lewis would puke. On the other hand, no. The way it's rendered here, it's as dramatic and as exciting as watching a settee, which only adds to the madness. Gore mongering metaller Sheets is an avowed Christian, so there's no sleaze, and I can't remember much profanity... it's all artificially wholesome. Apart from the bits where people have their guts ripped out, again and again. See 'Goblin'. It's like watching paint dry, only with the gradually dawning realisation that the paint is your own sanity slowly evaporating. Can be found on one of those Mill Creek type affairs.
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