Doctor Who over the years: Episode quotes
Dark Water
Clara: So, what now? What do we do now? You and me, what happens now? Doctor?
The Doctor: Go to hell.
(The Tardis lands.) Clara: Fair enough. Absolutely fair enough.
(She walks to the door.) The Doctor: Clara? You asked me what we're going to do. I told you. We're going to hell. Or wherever it is people go when they die. If there is anywhere. Wherever it is, we're going to go there and we're going to find Danny. And if it is in any way possible, we're going to bring him home. Almost every culture in the universe has some concept of an afterlife. I always meant to have a look around, see if I could find one.
Clara: You're going to help me?
The Doctor: Well, why wouldn't I help you?
Clara: Because of what I just did. I just
The Doctor: You betrayed me. Betrayed my trust, you betrayed our friendship, you betrayed everything that I've ever stood for. You let me down!
Clara: Then why are you helping me?
The Doctor: Why? Do you think I care for you so little that betraying me would make a difference?
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Danny: Where am I?
Seb: Okay. You're dead, and this is what's next.
Danny: I'm not dead. How can I be dead?
Seb: Our sincere condolences.
Danny: I'm standing right here.
Seb: Yes, you are. Welcome to the Underworld. Otherwise known as the Nethersphere, or the Promised Land. It's where you go when you die.
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Missy: Hello. I hope you're well. How may I assist you with your death?
The Doctor: Well, there is, er, no immediate hurry. We're just, er. We're just
Clara: Browsing.
The Doctor: Yeah, yeah, browsing.
Missy: Please, take all the time you need. At 3W, you always have the rest of your life.
The Doctor: Oh, good. That's good to know, Clara, isn't it?
Clara: Yeah. Great.
The Doctor: Exactly what is 3W?
Missy: Apologies. Clearly you have not received the official 3W greetings package.
The Doctor: Well, you know, it's just an unexpected
(Missy lunges at the Doctor, pushing him against the wall then kissing him very intently. The Doctor's eyes bulge and he grabs the wall. Missy finishes by kissing the tip of his nose three times, then she steps back.) Missy: Welcome to the 3W Institute.
The Doctor:
(breathless) Clara, is it over now?
Clara: I think it's over, yeah.
Missy: You also have not received the official welcome package.
Clara: Oh, I'm good, thanks. No worries.
The Doctor: Who are you?
Missy: I am Missy.
Clara: Missy?
Missy: Mobile Intelligent Systems Interface. I am a multi-function, interactive welcome-droid. Helping you to help me to help you.
The Doctor: You're very er realistic.
Clara: Tongues?
The Doctor: Shut up.
Missy: I am fully programmed with social interaction norms appropriate to a range of visitors. Please indicate if you'd like me to adjust my intimacy setting.
(The Doctor peels himself off the wall.) The Doctor: Oh, yes, please. Please do that. Do that now right now.
Clara: Maybe just a tad, yeah.
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Seb: And the Wi-Fi is better out here. Don't know why.
Danny: Wi-Fi?
Seb: Yeah, still a bit spotty, but basically
Danny: You have Wi-Fi here?
(Seb is calling something up on his tablet computer.) You. You have iPads in the afterlife?
Seb: IPads? We have Steve Jobs
*************************************
Chang: White noise off the telly. We've all heard it. A few years ago, Doctor Skarosa, our founder, did something unexpected. He played that noise through a translation matrix of his own devising. This is a recording of what he heard.
(A sound wave of multiple voices.) Clara: Okay, people, voices.
The Doctor: So what?
Chang: Over time, Doctor Skarosa became convinced these were the voices of the recently departed. He believed it was a telepathic communication from the dead.
The Doctor: Why? Was he an idiot?
Chang: He was able to isolate some of the voices, hear what they were saying.
The Doctor: So, an idiot then.
(Chang turns off the recording.) Clara: Shut up, Doctor.
Chang: What I'm about to play you will change your life and not for the better. These are the three words which caused Doctor Skarosa to set up institutes, like this one, all over the world, to protect the dead. If you'd rather not hear these words, there's still time
The Doctor: Can you just hurry up, please, or I'll hit you with my shoe.
Voice [OC]: Don't cremate me. Don't cremate me!
Chang: There is one simple, horrible possibility that has never occurred to anyone throughout human history.
Voice [OC]: Don't cremate me. Don't cremate me!
Clara: Don't say it.
Chang: The dead remain conscious. The dead are fully aware of everything that is happening to them.
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The Doctor: How did you get hold of Time Lord technology? Who are you?
Missy: You know who I am. I told you. You felt it. Surely you did.
The Doctor: Two hearts.
Missy: And both of them yours.
The Doctor: You're a Time Lord.
Missy: Time Lady, please, I'm old-fashioned.
The Doctor: Which Time Lady?
Missy: The one you abandoned, Doctor. The one you left for dead. Didn't you ever think I'd find my way back?
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The Doctor: Get away from here! All of you, run!
(The Cybermen stomp out of the Cathedral.) Go! Go! Get away from here! Run away! Run, run! Get away from here all of you, now!
Missy: I'm sorry, everyone. Another ranting Scotsman in the street. I had no idea there was a match on.
The Doctor: Get away, go!
Missy: Stop shouting, love. Stop making a fuss. It's too late. All the graves of planet Earth are about to give birth. You know the key strategic weakness of the human race? The dead outnumber the living.
The Doctor: Who are you?
Missy: Oh, you know who I am. I'm Missy.
The Doctor: Who's Missy?
Missy: Please, try to keep up. Short for Mistress. Well, I couldn't very well keep calling myself the Master, now could I?