Doctor Who over the years: Episode quotes
Last Christmas
Santa [OC]: Argh!
(Bells jingle) Moron! Numbskull! Elf!
Ian [OC]: That's racist!
Santa [OC]: Of course it's not racist, you are an elf.
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Ian: Er, sir? We've been seen.
Santa: Hello.
Clara: Hello.
Wolf: Hello, ha ha!
Ian: Hello, human.
Wolf: You can't call her human.
Ian: It's not racist. They don't mind.
Santa: Hush up, both of you. Oh, sorry about this, girl. We are just three passing, perfectly ordinary roof people, doing some emergency roof things. Carry on. Merry Christmas. If, if it is Christmas, I mean. Heh, heh. I don't much care for things like that, myself. Pfft. I mean, Christmas.
(laughs) Clara: Are you Santa Claus?
Santa: Me? No. Oh, no. It's ridiculous. Heh, heh. No, no, no.
(But then Clara sees the reindeer fly past behind him.) Wolf: Rudolph! Rudolph! Down here now!
Santa: All right, fine, yes. Yes, it's me. Ha! Guilty. How did you recognise me?
Wolf: You know how you grew that beard as a bit of a disguise? People have picked up on it.
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Ashley: What is that?
The Doctor: That's how Clara and I got here.
Ashley: In a box?
The Doctor: Technically, in a telephone kiosk.
Ashley:
(laughs) How?
The Doctor: Because it's a spaceship in disguise. You know what the big problem is in telling fantasy and reality apart?
Ashley: What?
The Doctor: They're both ridiculous.
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Shona: Reindeer can't fly. They just can't.
Santa: No. No, they can't. It's a scientific impossibility. That is why I feed mine magic carrots.
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Albert: They're a bit like Facehuggers, aren't they?
The Doctor: Face huggers?
Albert: You know, Alien. The horror movie, Alien.
The Doctor: There's a horror movie called Alien? That's really offensive. No wonder everyone keeps invading you.