Your Christmas Movies! Whatcha' Watchin' this Christmas season?

[Demdike@Cult Labs]

Where Eagles Dare (1968)

Richard Burton, Clint Eastwood and Mary Ure star in this classic boys own war time adventure which follows a Special Operations team of men attempting to save a captured American General from the a remote fortress high in the Bavarian Alps. However the mission isn't quite as it seems.

One of those rare films of this ilk without a final showdown with the villain, as with an hour to go, Eastwood shoots Anton Diffring's SS Colonel, Derren Nesbitt's Gestapo Major and Ferdy Maine's General as well as a fleeing female Lieutenant, in a blink and you'll miss it exercise in silenced pistol gun play.

Where Eagles Dare is an annual December treat that's endlessly watchable with it's Alpine winter wonderland location, Clint Eastwood at his coolest, Richard Burton bamboozling everybody, a plot that twists and turns and at some points really does make you ask 'What the f**k?' and a final hour of all out action.

[MrBarlow]

Christmas Bloody Christmas. 2022.

Most people want to go out, party, get drunk and maybe get laid, Riley Dandy...(sounds like a porno name), ends up battling a mechanical robot Santa killing machine in a small town that only seems to have a few people in it. Throwback to the 80s with killing cyborgs and a techno soundtrack, the plot is a cheese fest along with some bad acting, but the kills are brutal and plenty of blood splatter to go with it so it's not a full disappointment flick. I actually enjoyed this more a second time round.

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[Frankie Teardrop]

THE RETALIATORS – Preacher plays it nice till his daughter is murdered by bikers; bitter cop with a cellar full of secrets shows him the light. Any self-respecting revenge flick aspires to stir up the lizard brain and pave the way for either catharsis or a good wallow. ‘The Retaliators’ emotes (death of a child, come on), but there’s something slightly cumbersome about the way it moves. It needed to be sharper and maybe shorter. And it’s full of easy go-tos and stock-in-trades like the ‘strip shows and slaughterhouse’ vibe of the biker’s stronghold, familiar enough from countless TV shows and direct to DVD movies. But that’s where ‘The Retaliators’ is coming from anyway. In that sense, and in the sense that it’s a genre flick that isn’t afraid to take any ridiculous turn if it brings home the schlock value, including a zombie style climax crammed with gore, it gets it right. There are Christmas trees involved, by the way.

[MrBarlow]

Await Further Instructions. 2018.

What should be a good Christmas time with the family turns into a nightmare, when the house is shrouded in metal and the television starts bringing up instructions.

Right at the start we see the son and new girlfriend and the son dreading time with the family, a grandpa who couldn't give a crap, a happy mother and a bell end of a father who is a clerk but should be a sergeant major, a sister and partner who try to pretend they are perfect. This is the setting for who is going to crack first in a house, not in the middle of nowhere but on a suburban street. isolation, paranoia does set in quick, with the powers at be given orders, there is a hint of Standford Prison Experiment and Milgram experiment. There is somewhat a nod to the Hammer House Of Mystery and Suspense episode called Child's play. Go into this with a open mind and watch with the lights off.

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[Frankie Teardrop]

DEADLY GAMES – So strange to remember that there was a 1989 equivalent of internet creepos. It’s not really important to this film, just an odd little detail. ‘Deadly Games’ is full of those. It’s a genrephobe’s nightmare – how would you even describe it? Festive actioner, seasonal slasher, ‘Home Alone’ clone, Santa-themed coming of age flick? It rams together all of these with merry abandon. It follows tech-obsessed Thomas, who lives out his Rambo fantasies in the chateau he shares with his mum and grandad. Everything is fine until mall-owning mum sacks the resident Santa and thereby inspires him to pay a visit down a certain chimney… and when Santa lets the beard slip, turns out he’s a right arsehole. Summing up ‘Deadly Games’’s uniqueness would require some doing, but essentially it takes the ‘kid with gadget knowledge versus baddie’ template and twists it into a hymn to eighties horror aesthetics. There’s the trap doors, the trip wires, the surprising devices, but also enough filtered lighting and dry ice to fill out a feature length Bonnie Tyler video (more on that later). Even though it’s decidedly light on exploitation – somehow, after all the freaky Santa antics, it remains a family flick about a kid’s touching devotion to his grandfather – there are so many uncomfortable moments, such as the one where Thomas cries on the roof of his castle, convinced he’s about to die alone in the snow. And Patrick Floersheim does something interesting with his ‘evil’ Santa, framing him more as a capering man-child who just wants someone to play with and can’t understand why all the kids have run away. Beneath the stylistic overdrive is the thoughtfulness of a film about the end of illusions, enough to invest the sentimentality the survives to the end with a real sense of unease. And it has a Bonnie Tyler theme tune!

[MrBarlow]

Christmas Evil. 1980.

Brandon Maggart plays Harry, a disillusioned factory worker who see's mommy getting it on with Santa when he was a child, in reality it was his dad and sets him off being traumatised and goes on a yuletide killing spree.

Instead of being just a straightforward plot about someone ready to commit violence if anything comes between their fixation like some typical slasher, this is a character build up that goes through motivations in a quirky, off beat way and reveals a method to the madness, as unorthodox as that may be. There's no denying this has an out there and absurd plot that described in advance can make one either offended, morbidly intrigued on how the film will progress towards the end.What ultimately made this work, was it was capable of balancing out seriousness and a sort of eccentricity while not skipping a beat in between.

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[nicholasrope]

Santa Clause 2

One of my favorite Christmas Movies, still enjoy it still, this sees Tim Allen have to find a Wife or the desantafication begins. He ends up with a School Principle played by Elizabeth Mitchell. However a Toy Santa has taken over the North Pole.

Elf

There are Film Roles that are only suited for one person and Will Ferrell as Buddy The Elf is one of them, he is so perfect for this Film. Accidentally taken back to The North Poll, he is raised as a Elf but his incompetence leads him to go to New York to find his Dad, also played to perfection by James Cann as the grumpy Novelist. Zooey Deschanel play the girl who he falls for (BTW originally, I thought it was Reece Witherspoon) and Peter Dinklidge has a small cameo as someone who Buddy mistakes for an Elf and is not too pleased. Still really good.

Also this Film is celebrating it's 20th Anniversary this year (FEEL OLD LOL)

[MrBarlow]

SIlent Night Deadly Night Part 4: Initiation. 1990.

A investigative journalist looking into the mysterious death of a woman who fell from a rooftop while on fire and is slowly seduced by a coven of witches.

The first three movies dealt with two psychotic brothers who hate christmas and go on a murder spree, the makers have ditched that and went for something different that a coven of witches come out of hiding for the festive season. Brian Yuzna takes the director's chair for this one and does try his best to go with it. Neith Hunter is the female journalist in a man's world lead by Reggie Bannister who seems to think women can't do anything right except make a coffee. Maud Adams is the librarian and leader of the coven and actually does shine on the screen. Clint Howard is the weird homeless bug collector and we find out what his agenda is. This can develop into a love/hate relationship with the film for anyone.

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[MrBarlow]

Silent Night Deadly Night Part 5: The Toymaker. 1991.

A different darker horror version of Pinocchio for this instalment of the S.N.D.N. franchise, Mickey Rooney playing the toy maker Joe Petto and Brian Bremer as his son Pino who likes to dry hump a woman screaming..."I Love You Mommy"...taking tips from Peter in Burial Ground maybe. Give Bremer his dues he did play the robotic toy decently like a puppet on strings and able to walk like you would see a remote controlled toy and give out the creepy eye stare. Neith Hunter and Clint Howard do reprise their roles from the previous film but it is a mere cameo part. The effects are a bit laughable but back then they may have been achieved better especially the landlord meeting a decent death while driving.

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[MrBarlow]

A Christmas Carol: The Musical. 2004.

Kelsey Grammer plays the old miser in this updated version of Dickens tale with a few catchy songs and dance routines that makes the film a bit more entertaining and more stage musical than a feature film. There is one or two extra changes from previous releases with the back story of Scrooge but every version is different.

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Have A Great Christmas Everyone.