Fav Movie Quotes

[Inspector Abberline]

11980%20-%20Play%20it%20Again%20Sam.jpg


Allen: That's quite a lovely Jackson Pollock, isn't it?

Museum Girl: Yes, it is.

Allen: What does it say to you?

Museum Girl: It restates the negativeness of the universe. The hideous lonely emptiness of existence. Nothingness. The predicament of Man forced to live in a barren, Godless eternity like a tiny flame flickering in an immense void with nothing but waste, horror and degradation, forming a useless bleak straitjacket in a black absurd cosmos.

Allen: What are you doing Saturday night?

Museum Girl: Committing suicide.

Allen: What about Friday night?

[Inspector Abberline]

Chelmsford 123
30min | Comedy | TV Series (1988– )

Heads You Lose.

The executioner will put on the ceremonial death cap.
Blag : I can't see nothing! I've gone blind!
Badvoc : You're supposed to put it on my head, you prat.
Blag : Sorry, Badvoc, I'm nervous, you see.This is my first decapitation.
Badvoc : Mine too, funnily enough.
Blag : Ha ha! Very good! Good old Badvoc joking to the very end.
Badvoc : Shut up and chop my head off, you fat git.

[Susan Foreman]

Airheads:

Chazz: Who'd win in a wrestling match, Lemmy or God?
Chris Moore: Lemmy.
[Rex imitates a game show buzzer]
Chris Moore: ... God?
Rex: Wrong, dickhead, trick question. Lemmy *IS* God.

[Inspector Abberline]

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Elwood P. Dowd: Years ago my mother used to say to me, she'd say, "In this world, Elwood, you must be" - she always called me Elwood - "In this world, Elwood, you must be oh so smart or oh so pleasant." Well, for years I was smart. I recommend pleasant. You may quote me.




Elwood P. Dowd: Harvey and I sit in the bars... have a drink or two... play the juke box. And soon the faces of all the other people they turn toward mine and they smile. And they're saying, "We don't know your name, mister, but you're a very nice fella." Harvey and I warm ourselves in all these golden moments. We've entered as strangers - soon we have friends. And they come over... and they sit with us... and they drink with us... and they talk to us. They tell about the big terrible things they've done and the big wonderful things they'll do. Their hopes, and their regrets, and their loves, and their hates. All very large, because nobody ever brings anything small into a bar. And then I introduce them to Harvey... and he's bigger and grander than anything they offer me. And when they leave, they leave impressed. The same people seldom come back; but that's envy, my dear. There's a little bit
of envy in the best of us.

[Inspector Abberline]

Mandrake:

Now, the president wants to speak to General Ripper, doesn't he? Now, General Ripper is dead, is he not? I am General Ripper's executive officer, so the president will bloody well want to speak to me, won't he? There's a telephone box over there, and the line may be open.

Guano:

You want to talk to the president of the United States?

Mandrake:

I don't want to talk to him, Colonel, I've got to talk to him. And I can assure you, if you don't put that gun away and stop this stupid nonsense, the court of inquiry on this'll give you such a pranging, you'll be lucky if you end up wearing the uniform of a bloody toilet attendant!

Guano:

Ok. Go ahead. Try and get the president of the United States on the phone. Mandrake enters phone booth and closes the door. Guano pushes it back open. If you try any preversions in there I'll blow your head off.

Mandrake:

places coins in the slot and dials Operator? This is Group Captain Lionel Mandrake, I'm speaking from Burpleson Air Force Base. Look, something very urgent has come up and I want you to place an emergency person to person call with President Merkin Muffley in the Pentagon, Washington D.C. Aaaa... Burpleson3-9180. No, I'm perfectly serious, operator, the President, yes the President of the United States. I'm sorry, I haven't got enough change. Um, could you... could you make this a collect call, operator? Mandrake waits on the call to be placed while Guano looks on. Just one second, operator. to Guano They won't accept the call. Have you got fifty-five cents?

Guano:

Well, you don't think I'd go into combat with loose change in my pocket, do you?

Mandrake:

Operator, look, ah... is it possible to make this an ordinary... ordinary trunk call? Well, what do you call it... you know, ah... raps on phone box with knuckles oh, ah... station to station. counts change in his palm Oh, blast. Still twenty cents short. Operator, hold on one... ah... I shan't keep you a second. to Guano Colonel, that Coca-Cola machine, I want you to shoot the lock off it. There may be some change in there.

Guano:

That's private property.

Mandrake:

exasperated Colonel, can you possibly imagine what is going to happen to you, your frame, outlook, way of life and everything, when they learn that you have obstructed a telephone call to the President of the United States? Can you imagine? Shoot it off! Shoot! With the gun! That's what the bullets are for, you twit!

[Susan Foreman]

The phone call from The American President to the Russian Premier is a classic

President Merkin Muffley: Hello?... Uh... Hello D- uh hello Dmitri? Listen uh uh I can't hear too well. Do you suppose you could turn the music down just a little?... Oh-ho, that's much better... yeah... huh... yes... Fine, I can hear you now, Dmitri... Clear and plain and coming through fine... I'm coming through fine, too, eh?... Good, then... well, then, as you say, we're both coming through fine... Good... Well, it's good that you're fine and... and I'm fine... I agree with you, it's great to be fine... a-ha-ha-ha-ha... Now then, Dmitri, you know how we've always talked about the possibility of something going wrong with the Bomb... The *Bomb*, Dmitri... The *hydrogen* bomb!... Well now, what happened is... ahm... one of our base commanders, he had a sort of... well, he went a little funny in the head... you know... just a little... funny. And, ah... he went and did a silly thing... Well, I'll tell you what he did. He ordered his planes... to attack your country... Ah... Well, let me finish, Dmitri... Let me finish, Dmitri... Well listen, how do you think I feel about it?... Can you *imagine* how I feel about it, Dmitri?... Why do you think I'm calling you? Just to say hello?... *Of course* I like to speak to you!... *Of course* I like to say hello!... Not now, but anytime, Dmitri. I'm just calling up to tell you something terrible has happened... It's a *friendly* call. Of course it's a friendly call... Listen, if it wasn't friendly... you probably wouldn't have even got it... They will *not* reach their targets for at least another hour... I am... I am positive, Dmitri... Listen, I've been all over this with your ambassador. It is not a trick... Well, I'll tell you. We'd like to give your air staff a complete run-down on the targets, the flight plans, and the defensive systems of the planes... Yes! I mean i-i-i-if we're unable to recall the planes, then... I'd say that, ah... well, ah... we're just gonna have to help you destroy them, Dmitri... I know they're our boys... All right, well listen now. Who should we call?... *Who* should we call, Dmitri? The... wha-whe, the People... you, sorry, you faded away there... The People's Central Air Defense Headquarters... Where is that, Dmitri?... In Omsk... Right... Yes... Oh, you'll call them first, will you?... Uh-huh... Listen, do you happen to have the phone number on you, Dmitri?... Whe-ah, what? I see, just ask for Omsk information... Ah-ah-eh-uhm-hm... I'm sorry, too, Dmitri... I'm very sorry... *All right*, you're sorrier than I am, but I am as sorry as well... I am as sorry as you are, Dmitri! Don't say that you're more sorry than I am, because I'm capable of being just as sorry as you are... So we're both sorry, all right?... All right."

[Inspector Abberline]

The Ghost Breakers (1940)

Geoff Montgomery: It's worse than horrible because a zombie has no will of his own. You see them sometimes walking around blindly with dead eyes, following orders, not knowing what they do, not caring.

Larry Lawrence: You mean like Democrats?

[Demdike@Cult Labs]

Originally Posted by Inspector Abberline

The Ghost Breakers (1940)

Geoff Montgomery: It's worse than horrible because a zombie has no will of his own. You see them sometimes walking around blindly with dead eyes, following orders, not knowing what they do, not caring.

Larry Lawrence: You mean like Democrats?

I read that as "Like Demoncrat".

[Inspector Abberline]

Frazer: Captain Mainwaring. Did I ever tell you the story about the old, empty barn.

Mainwaring: Um. No.

Frazer: Would you like to hear the story about the old, empty barn?

Mainwaring: Um. Yes. Listen everybody. Frazer's going to tell us the story about the old empty barn.

Frazer: Right. The story of the old empty barn. Well. There was nothing in it.

[Demdike@Cult Labs]

Originally Posted by Inspector Abberline

Frazer: Captain Mainwaring. Did I ever tell you the story about the old, empty barn.

Mainwaring: Um. No.

Frazer: Would you like to hear the story about the old, empty barn?

Mainwaring: Um. Yes. Listen everybody. Frazer's going to tell us the story about the old empty barn.

Frazer: Right. The story of the old empty barn. Well. There was nothing in it.

Hmm! I can see the new film dying a rather quick death if that's the sort of humour in it.