Weekly Comp - Martin - 06/06/2010

[Aurora75]

A country dancing troupe with he hicks from deliverance, music supplied by the little boy with the banjo.

[Aurora75]

Psychic in the form of a mysterious figure with a hook who claims he knows what the audience did last summer..

[masdawg]

In my head I just keep seeing Freddy Krueger doing balloon modelling.
*BANG* (Freddy looking really nervous and embarrassed)
"Ummm....Sorry...."
*BANG*
"Ummmm...this usually doesn't happen"
*BANG*
"Just...a...second"
*BUZZZZ* *BUZZZZ* *BUZZZZ*
"It's a no from me" , "sorry...it's a no" , "ummm...it's a no"
(Freddy walks off in tears)

Probably a lot more funny in my own head than written down

[EDIT]: I can just imagine Simons comments: "I'm sorry, but with a look like that, you look like you'd be more suited to children's nightmares..."

[pedromonkey]

Ash comes onto the stage and stands infront of the judges, he's asked his name and what his act was.
He stands infront of a block of wood and attaches a chainsaw to his wrist. He proceeds to carve a giant teddy bear into the block of wood. Suddenly Amanda Holden turns into a deadite and jumps to the stage, she shouts 'your soul is mine" to which ash replies "ok She-bitch lets go". ash and evil amanda have a sam raimi style fight ending with ash blowing amanda's head of with a boomstick. Piers and Simon are gobsmaked, the audience are silent. The silence sustained until everyone including the judges rise to their feet to give ash a standing ovation. Ash is happy and turns to the audience and says...Remember to shop smart, shop S-mart. He walks off the stage, suddenly norman Bates runs onto the stage and stabs Amanda Holden in the body 77 times...

[trouserpress]

How about the world's most uncomfortable ventriloquist act with Anthony Hopkins from Magic?

"Say hello to the boys and girls Fats."

"I'll kill them! I'll kill you all!"

[trouserpress]

Simon: "Oh dear, not another Michael Jackson tribute act."

Jackson's actual reanimated corpse shuffles on to the stage, along with the newly zombified remains of Ant and Dec (and that irritating Stephen Mulhern).

Thriller kicks in. They dance.

The judges and eventually the entire audience are bitten in time for the big crowd dance scene at the end, rivalling even Philipino prisoners. The country goes wild.

[Aurora75]

Pinhead with a rendition of 'Soul Man'.

[Aurora75]

or with his own version of Joy Division..

'Love will tear your soul apart'

[gag]

Ed gein

Volunteers amanda holden as part of his act ,
He kills her and frightens the audience they nvr witnessed a live death on tv b4, simon got a stunned look on his face, he then proceeds and show simon and peirs how to make furniture out of a human body, simon then buzzes in, peirs ask y, why he replies because he used amanda and not u if he used u then that would have been entertaining, simon then ask peers what he thinks, piers replies i found that entertaining that some used a human body to make furniture etc instead of the usual woood it definatly different , he then ask if the chair is safe to sit on, he then tries it out and replies absolutly wonderful just amazing, (could i buy this for my wife she likes unusual furniture) you type of act this country needs makes a changes from some out of tune singer or the usual 7 8 kids doing the same dance routine all the time. you through to the next round for me you got potential to win this series, what you think simon, well he was ok . but im slightly baffled as to where do you go from here, after watching a live killing on tv what could possible be the next step, ed replies well i can demonstrate how to make face mask out of human skin by using piers, well you definatly through to the next round that a 2 yes and im sure amanda would have loved you so thats 3yes , see you in the finals

[Sargento]

Almar walks on stage with a copy of Dario Argento's classic, Inferno ...

... "I present, Inferno .. complete with cat and mouse scene ..."

BUZZZZZZ, BUZZZZZZ, BUZZZZZZZZ

What Almar didn't realise that the judging panel had been replaced with the BBFC!