The Reviews Tip Thread.

[J Harker]

How the hell do some of you guys and gals knock reviews out so easily? I'm crap at them and like listening to recordings of my own voice i despise reading something i wrote. I've had a shit few days, I'm half cut and i appear to have a chest infection brewing. So this is my first thread (i think) be nice. In case it isn't clear this isn't for actual reviews, its for tips, advice, hints, ideas on actually writing the damn things. I've spent the past 3 hours trying to compose something on Bone Tomahawk. I've got maybe three lines.

[Demdike@Cult Labs]

I'd never reviewed anything until i started on here.

I'm not sure if i should offer advice or not as i'm not sure if my reviews are any good or not. Some are, others it's just a case of trying to say a few words about a film rather than any real review.

I started off by taking notes on a pad whilst watching films i knew i wanted to review. Mainly ones for the Gothic Thread. Then the next day i'd attempt to turn the notes into some sort of review. I still do this for things i want to review properly like i did with The Green Inferno.

I try not to read too much about a film i'm about to try and review as i find it's other people's words in my head rather than my own.

I think really it's just practice.

Maybe Frankie can offer you advice. He has a certain style which i admire. Meaning you can always tell which review came from the pen of the Teardrop.

[J Harker]

Originally Posted by Demdike@Cult Labs

I'd never reviewed anything until i started on here.

I'm not sure if i should offer advice or not as i'm not sure if my reviews are any good or not. Some are, others it's just a case of trying to say a few words about a film rather than any real review.

I started off by taking notes on a pad whilst watching films i knew i wanted to review. Mainly ones for the Gothic Thread. Then the next day i'd attempt to turn the notes into some sort of review. I still do this for things i want to review properly like i did with The Green Inferno.

I try not to read too much about a film i'm about to try and review as i find it's other people's words in my head rather than my own.

I think really it's just practice.

Maybe Frankie can offer you advice. He has a certain style which i admire. Meaning you can always tell which review came from the pen of the Teardrop.

I mean this with absolute sincerity, his reviews are some of the best on here, often i find myself wanting to watch the stuff even he didn't like based on his negative review, but the absolute greatest of respect to Monsiuer Teardrop, isn't he generally pissed? Oh wait....

[Frankie Teardrop]

Very kind of you both, but I see my reviews as being akin to a public diary, nothing more. As for 'style', yes it's easier when you're pissed...

[Make Them Die Slowly]

Swearing, lots of exclamation marks, a reference to anal sex and calling Nordy something derogatory!

[Demdike@Cult Labs]

Originally Posted by Make Them Die Slowly

Swearing, lots of exclamation marks, a reference to anal sex and calling Nordy something derogatory!

Also ending a review with 'Shit blows up!'

Actually often that is the review.

[Demdike@Cult Labs]

Originally Posted by Frankie Teardrop

Very kind of you both, but I see my reviews as being akin to a public diary, nothing more. As for 'style', yes it's easier when you're pissed...

See! A true maverick!

He's like Withnail when he watches a film and Byron when he writes about it.

[J Harker]

Originally Posted by Demdike@Cult Labs

See! A true maverick!

He's like Withnail when he watches a film and Byron when he writes about it.

I watch a film like Withnail and review it like Homer bloody Simpson.

[J Harker]

I think the biggest problem is trying to explain the story in a few lines. I struggle to condense it down and worry it won't make sense.

[Demdike@Cult Labs]

Originally Posted by J Harker

I think the biggest problem is trying to explain the story in a few lines. I struggle to condense it down and worry it won't make sense.

Use the back of the dvd case for that. Once you take out things like From the associate producers of.... and Starring Roger Moore (The Spy Who Loved Me, Moonraker, Boat Trip) it should be easy enough to get a couple of sentences of story line. You don't have to say everything that happens in a film.