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  #331  
Old 25th June 2012, 07:01 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by VicDakin View Post
“Abu Hamza. He’d make a great pantomime baddie. Where’s Abu Hamza, the boss-eyed Muslim cleric with a hook for a hand who incites racial hatred? He’s behind you. I’d go and see it as long as it had someone like Phil Mitchell in it as well. He’d sort him out. Headbutt him.”

“It’s just coming up to 9.11…ooooh don’t tell Abu Hamza, he’ll be cracking open the Champagne. Oh they don’t drink do they?!”

“At the moment the RSPB are non-violent, but what if we kicked it up a notch? Let’s paint a scenario. The last osprey in Britain is killed by a football. The last osprey egg is stolen and scrambled for a Russian oligarch’s breakfast who eats it without one iota of remorse, in his leather jacket. Simply wipes his lips and says “Simples.” And Bill Oddie goes apeshit.”

I dont even have to read these quotes to know they are great Alan Partridge can do no wrong.
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  #332  
Old 26th June 2012, 05:54 AM
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Death Wish 2:

Paul Kersey:"Do you believe in Jesus?"
Cowering criminal:"Yes, i do!"
Paul Kersey:"Well, you're gonna meet 'im!"

BLAM!

Death Wish 4:The Crackdown:

Opening scene scumbag:“Who the f*** are you?!”
Paul Kersey:“Death.”

BLAM! BLAM!! BLAM!!!
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  #333  
Old 26th June 2012, 09:17 PM
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Default Alan Partridge: Welcome to the Places of My Life

Alan Partridge: Welcome to the Places of My Life.

"For some, Thetford Forest means dogging or suicide but I'm old school and I'm off for a walk"

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  #334  
Old 27th June 2012, 05:37 AM
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Cop:

Bad guy:"You're a cop. You've gotta arrest me."
Lloyd Hopkins:"Well, there's some good news and bad news. The good news is you're right. I'm a cop and i've gotta take you in. The bad news is i've been suspended and i don't give a f***."

BLAM! BLAM!! BLAM!!!
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  #335  
Old 27th June 2012, 04:28 PM
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Super Happy die

Quote:
Originally Posted by Splatterdragon73 View Post
Cop:

Bad guy:"You're a cop. You've gotta arrest me."
Lloyd Hopkins:"Well, there's some good news and bad news. The good news is you're right. I'm a cop and i've gotta take you in. The bad news is i've been suspended and i don't give a f***."

BLAM! BLAM!! BLAM!!!
I noticed at the end of all your quotes someone gets shot
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  #336  
Old 28th June 2012, 05:34 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by VicDakin View Post
I noticed at the end of all your quotes someone gets shot
As is what happens in the films the relevant quotes come from.
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  #337  
Old 28th June 2012, 12:06 PM
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Police Academy 2:Their First Assignment:

Lt. Mauser:"Proctor!"
Sgt. Proctor:"Oh, Lieutenant, good i was looking for you. I have the pictures of the fruits drunk at the bar like you asked. The composition's a little off but Sir, you can clearly see those fruits are drunk!"
Lt. Mauser:"Who asked for fruits drunk at the bar? I asked for new recruits drunk at the bar!"
Sgt. Proctor:"Oh....uh, well Sir i major in Art. I could put a uniform on this guy here. It'll look like Hightower."
Lt. Mauser:"What? Are you losin' it?! Just get me Mahoney."
Sgt. Proctor:"Should i save these?"
Lt. Mauser:"Get me Mahoney!"

Captain Pete Lassard:"Hi Eric, it's me Pete."
Commandant Eric Lassard:"Oh, Pete how very, very nice of you to call. How's my baby brother?"
Captain Pete Lassard:"Fine, Eric well actually not too good."
Commandant Eric Lassard:"Hope you haven't got a girl into trouble!"
Captain Pete Lassard:"No, it's nothing like that. I need to get my hands on some healthy young men."
Commandant Eric Lassard:"I suppose there's certain places you could go, certain bars and so forth."
Captain Pete Lassard:"Eric, what are you talking about?"
Commandant Eric Lassard:"Does Margaret know about this?"
Captain Pete Lassard:"Eric, i'm in trouble here and i need some new recruits!"
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  #338  
Old 28th June 2012, 01:15 PM
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Police Academy 2:Their First Assignment:

Lt. Mauser:"So, these academy rats are gonna save the precinct, right?"
Sgt. Proctor:"Personally, Lieutenant i hope they fall flat on their asses."
Lt. Mauser:"That could be arranged y'know."
Sgt. Proctor:"What do you mean?"
Lt. Mauser:"Well, if they fail Lassard's out. That makes me the Captain and if i'm the Captain, i'm gonna need a new Watch Commander."
Sgt. Proctor:"So?"
Lt. Mauser:"So, make sure they fail."
Sgt. Proctor:"Who?"
Lt. Mauser:"The new recruits."
Sgt. Proctor:"Why?"
Lt. Mauser:"Because if they fail Lassard's out, i'm in and i'm gonna need somebody to be the new Watch Commander....and you know who that's going to be."
Sgt. Proctor:"Who?"
Lt. Mauser:"You, Dickhead you!"
Sgt. Proctor:"Oh, good idea."
Lt. Mauser:"You're not playin' with a full deck are you?"
Sgt. Proctor:"Oh, i don't play cards."
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  #339  
Old 1st July 2012, 10:56 PM
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Default Mid Morning Matters with Alan Partridge

“If you could make one species from animals extinct, which would it be and how would you do it? We have a text from Ted in Fakenham that simply says ‘Cats. Hammers.’”

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  #340  
Old 1st July 2012, 11:05 PM
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Bottom:

Richie: What was it Shakespeare used to say?

Eddie: Erm... "Hello my dear, I'm a playwright you know. Go on, give us a snog."

Richie: No, Eddie!

Eddie: Erm... "Where's my quill? Bloody hell, I bought five yesterday! Where do they all go?"

Richie: Ahh, ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. No, really, what was it he used to say?

Eddie: "What d'you mean it's crap? There's eight bodies at the end and he gets to shag his mum!"


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